I have massive issues with my weight. Anyone who tells me I look healthy should fuck off. I don't feel healthy, I feel bloated, ugly and disgusted with myself.
Current weight: 58
Ideal weight: 45
I remember when I was 63 and everyone said I looked fine and bubbly, skinny girls aren't boring, clothes hang off them well, they look fit. Healthy = fat. Jesus. You really think I buy that crap?
Because of my medication, my metabolism rate has gone mental on me. Be happy and fat or skinny and depressed? I'll pick the latter any day.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Palm me
Today I had my palms read.
I will meet The One 3-4 years from now and have 4-5 children eventually.
People often ask my why I'm in a rush. I'm 20 going on 21, I just finished college, I've got the whole world ahead of me. I'll tell you why. There are days before I go to sleep, I wish I was that girl who is 20 going on 21, just finished college, got the whole world ahead of her.
I wish I wasn't that girl that ran away from the loony bin and only had to be brought back a couple of years later with various addictions because she had to. I wish I wasn't that girl that had spent all week in Vegas with my phone off just so she could "have fun with the girls" but in fact gambled away her plane ticket money to New York. I wish I wasn't that girl who had an affair with her gay meth addict room mate. I wish I wasn't that girl her mother checked into a rehabilitation center on Father's Day. I wish I wasn't that girl that had to take a year off because she has to attend AA meetings or meeting with her psychologist and psychiatrist every week.
When you tell this to someone, life isn't like the movies. Boy hears sad story, boy tears up and boy accept girl for who she is. Real life, boy sees girl as a liability and boy fucks off. True story.
So will I really meet The One 3-4 years from now and have 4-5 children eventually?
I will meet The One 3-4 years from now and have 4-5 children eventually.
People often ask my why I'm in a rush. I'm 20 going on 21, I just finished college, I've got the whole world ahead of me. I'll tell you why. There are days before I go to sleep, I wish I was that girl who is 20 going on 21, just finished college, got the whole world ahead of her.
I wish I wasn't that girl that ran away from the loony bin and only had to be brought back a couple of years later with various addictions because she had to. I wish I wasn't that girl that had spent all week in Vegas with my phone off just so she could "have fun with the girls" but in fact gambled away her plane ticket money to New York. I wish I wasn't that girl who had an affair with her gay meth addict room mate. I wish I wasn't that girl her mother checked into a rehabilitation center on Father's Day. I wish I wasn't that girl that had to take a year off because she has to attend AA meetings or meeting with her psychologist and psychiatrist every week.
When you tell this to someone, life isn't like the movies. Boy hears sad story, boy tears up and boy accept girl for who she is. Real life, boy sees girl as a liability and boy fucks off. True story.
So will I really meet The One 3-4 years from now and have 4-5 children eventually?
Monday, July 5, 2010
boys and beaches
Today I bumped into a boy that I had been ignoring for the past 3 years. I don't remember why I stopped liking him or why we stopped going out but what I do remember is, when I used to door bitch at this by guestlist only club, he arrived with 2 other friends and I went like 'You in, you in and you not' and he remembers that too. Why was I such a bitch to him? I have absolutely no clue now. The shit you don't remember 3 years back. Hmm.
He comes up to me while I was standing on the steps watching flame throwers endanger lives of unsuspecting patrons and half drunk couples making out. 'Hey, how have you been?' One hand on my shoulder, leans in and kisses me on my cheek. Hang on one second buddy, when did I stop ignoring you? I looked at him. I just looked at him and he says 'Are you still doing this?' For a short period of time sometime this year we worked at the same building and I would see him during my lunch breaks, smoke breaks or just passing each other down the stairs or elevator rides and it got to the point where I was like, is fate taking a shit on me or what? But anyhow, we started chatting because I'm a forgiving person and that's what forgiving people do.
He tells me it's his birthday tomorrow, I tell him happy birthday, he thanks me and says I have grown up. These days it's really mature to wish people happy birthday it seems. We took a walk along the beach, he offers to take me out to dinner this week and politely decline. He asks me why and I reply that I have a lot of food in my fridge right now so maybe next time. I tell him my birthday is sometime this month and he offers to take me out to dinner again, 'not on your birthday of course, that wouldn't be in my place.. Or is it?'. No it isn't. And I let that thought wonder out loud.
He comes up to me while I was standing on the steps watching flame throwers endanger lives of unsuspecting patrons and half drunk couples making out. 'Hey, how have you been?' One hand on my shoulder, leans in and kisses me on my cheek. Hang on one second buddy, when did I stop ignoring you? I looked at him. I just looked at him and he says 'Are you still doing this?' For a short period of time sometime this year we worked at the same building and I would see him during my lunch breaks, smoke breaks or just passing each other down the stairs or elevator rides and it got to the point where I was like, is fate taking a shit on me or what? But anyhow, we started chatting because I'm a forgiving person and that's what forgiving people do.
He tells me it's his birthday tomorrow, I tell him happy birthday, he thanks me and says I have grown up. These days it's really mature to wish people happy birthday it seems. We took a walk along the beach, he offers to take me out to dinner this week and politely decline. He asks me why and I reply that I have a lot of food in my fridge right now so maybe next time. I tell him my birthday is sometime this month and he offers to take me out to dinner again, 'not on your birthday of course, that wouldn't be in my place.. Or is it?'. No it isn't. And I let that thought wonder out loud.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
You got prawn-ed
Today I went for a dinner interview.
Due to a big mess up in times with the recruiter and my supposed future employer and pouring rain, I was nearly 3 hours late for my interview.
"You are the epitome of arrogance. You waltz in here, 3 hours late, order yourself a beer and have the audacity to face the other way and check out the entire bar. " Future boss takes a sip of his drink. "When can you start?"
Done and done. We sealed the deal. I got the job. He briefed me on the recent projects, penciled me into a lunch meeting he has with one of his clients coming Monday.
After 22 kamikaze shots and 15 Heinekens, his business partner and my friend who had later joined us for a mini celebration were forced to go get "Indian stuff to eat" because "he is English and that's what English people do after drinking."
Half past ten, we sat around dishes of alogobi and nans and resumed our conversation on the projects. I was aboslutely psyched that he was intending to let me handle the up coming music festival, I didn't see that coming ! I mean it's huge! What I also didn't see coming was that he decided that mid way through the conversation, he decides to throw a prawn at me. Maybe English people do that when they are drunk, go to indian restuatants and call all the waitstaff muthu and throw prawns at each other but whatever it is,
HE THREW A FUCKING PRAWN AT ME.
There it was, the prawn, glistering in slimy green curry sitting on my lap. He proceeded to tell me, "You are a star, continue shining bright... cause if you don't.. I'll fire you." All this being said, with the bloody prawn sitting there, almost greening-ly mockingly in the bright contrast of my newly bought black pencil skirt.
What the fuck?
Due to a big mess up in times with the recruiter and my supposed future employer and pouring rain, I was nearly 3 hours late for my interview.
"You are the epitome of arrogance. You waltz in here, 3 hours late, order yourself a beer and have the audacity to face the other way and check out the entire bar. " Future boss takes a sip of his drink. "When can you start?"
Done and done. We sealed the deal. I got the job. He briefed me on the recent projects, penciled me into a lunch meeting he has with one of his clients coming Monday.
After 22 kamikaze shots and 15 Heinekens, his business partner and my friend who had later joined us for a mini celebration were forced to go get "Indian stuff to eat" because "he is English and that's what English people do after drinking."
Half past ten, we sat around dishes of alogobi and nans and resumed our conversation on the projects. I was aboslutely psyched that he was intending to let me handle the up coming music festival, I didn't see that coming ! I mean it's huge! What I also didn't see coming was that he decided that mid way through the conversation, he decides to throw a prawn at me. Maybe English people do that when they are drunk, go to indian restuatants and call all the waitstaff muthu and throw prawns at each other but whatever it is,
HE THREW A FUCKING PRAWN AT ME.
There it was, the prawn, glistering in slimy green curry sitting on my lap. He proceeded to tell me, "You are a star, continue shining bright... cause if you don't.. I'll fire you." All this being said, with the bloody prawn sitting there, almost greening-ly mockingly in the bright contrast of my newly bought black pencil skirt.
What the fuck?
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