Some days I feel destructive, I just want consume as much alcohol or whatever people offer me till I reach a state my mind falls into the depths of a black hole. I just want to hurt myself because I feel worthless and ashamed of everything I had done before. I just want to bury myself in misery. I am stained.
Some days I think about the past, I think about how everything might have been. I lie on my side of the bed and cry into his pillow. I curse at the Gods and ask them how did it all end up like this, did he really love me? Why did the one thing I had so much hope in walk out on me? What did I do wrong? I thought things could get better. I cry so hard my chest hurts, I get exhausted, I pop some more pills and fall asleep.
Some days I wake up feeling like the happiest girl, I feel like I've got everything going on in my life, I feel free, I feel liberated. I feel like I can do whatever the fuck I want and no one can bring me down anymore. I feel like someone cut the shackles and that the day he left me was the day I had been finally set free.. Set free to be myself.
Some days I stay in bed and don't think about anything at all. I just lay in silence, dust till dawn, watching time pass.
